While I'm Waiting

Yes, I did get lost in the woods.

The woods in the park behind my house that I have lived in for 22 years. I didn't realize they were that big.

I suppose exploring streams and getting lost in the woods is a childhood activity, but I was never a very brave child, so I must make up for it now. You're never too old to learn a new lesson. Or two.

Recipe of the Week

I think I spend a lot of time cooking. Well, baking really, but occasionally I'll make something using "real" food too. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, as can be gleaned from the fact that my last three blog posts are all recipes of the week, and I've got two more ready to go! I've made some delicious desserts this week, but I decided to post a recipe you can actually eat for lunch first.

So here it is:

 Pizza Quesadillas!

Recipe of the Week

I'm so excited for all the new recipes I'm trying! I've made a bunch of things this week while my parents were out of the house and couldn't judge me; some of them were even healthy! But the more important ones that must be shared are not exactly healthy...but they ARE delicious! And which is more important? Don't answer that. Just look at this picture and drool.

Recipe of the Week

When you live at home with your parents and don't have to go to work, you have lots of time to make new recipes! So although they will not be "college dining hall" recipes, I can still make lots of food, take pictures of it, and feel like I'm doing it for a purpose.

And there is always a purpose for pancakes at midnight. Especially these.

Still Waiting

How long does it take to break a habit? 2 Weeks? Well it's been two weeks since graduation, and finally, FINALLY the sun is shining! The weather is absolutely beautiful! In fact, I am sweating. I had forgotten such warm temperatures existed. But they do.

It is so easy to forget that summer exists when the air is so cold that it hurts to walk outside; they are like two completely different worlds. But take heart in this, that summer does exist, that it will return, and that you will once again be sweating and wishing for snow. Or at least for a little bit cooler temperatures.

And now that the world is warm and I can occupy myself by walking around outside in the bright morning sunshine, I am no longer depressed about having nothing to do. In fact I relish it. I laugh at all the poor souls who must go to work and school while I wander around barefoot in the grass, trying to avoid bees. Ha! Hahahaha!

Please try not to hate me. I will soon be working at a regular job and have a reason to wake up and get dressed every morning. Or I will run out of money. One of the two.

And I am not spending all my time wandering around aimlessly in the sun. I mean, first of all, this is NY. The sun doesn't stay out that long. But the reason I have grown content in my waiting is that I started doing things. I've said this before, but it's always helpful to have a reminder, as clearly I need. When you are depressed or you don't know what to do, just do something. Nothing can happen until you start. Then you can change what you're doing, or you can figure out something else to do, but you've got to do something.

 I always have a lot of things I say I want to do, but never take action toward accomplishing them. Well, why not? So I'm writing a book. I really am. I've written out plans and character sketches and started a rough draft. And I'm learning guitar. I can actually play some songs now, and I played for so long yesterday I was forced to quit because the strings were cutting into my fingers. And I'm going to speak Spanish, if it's the last thing I do. I can, at the very least, read "Green Eggs and Ham" in Spanish, since I picked up a copy at the library yesterday.

So take heart that summer will return. And do something.

...waiting...

What thoughts must have passed through their heads, as they stood with their feet in this grassy field, their eyes taking in the serene hillside, their guns lagging off their shoulders...

This is Antietam, sight of the bloodiest battle this country has ever seen. And yet the scene is beautiful, calming, a perfect place to sit out and have quiet time with God while watching the sun rise above the distant hills. One can't help but wonder what those soldiers were thinking about as they stood waiting for the inevitable bloodshed to come.

I don't like waiting. I'm sure there is some poetic beauty to be found in the act, but I don't see it. A week ago I was finishing up one final day of crazy college life and spending every possible minute with my friends. Now I am sitting at home, a college degree on my desk, and a whole lot of nothing to do. I'm waiting.

Of course I've applied for jobs. And I'm getting my wisdom teeth out this week (that is something to look forward to!), so I can't do much right now. But I'm on a waiting list for a job at Disney World. I'm waiting to hear back from other people. I'm waiting to see what the future will hold, and how I am to plan the next few months. I've got things I can do, but I just don't like this period of not knowing what I will do or when. I know that it will pass, that I soon will miss these days of freedom, but it's really hard to just sit and wait.

"I don't want to be in a battle. But sitting on the edge of one I cannot escape is even worse." Pippin said it well as he pondered his current situation. The impending storm is not the worst of our problems, it is the uncertainty and worry of waiting for it. How many things do we stress and worry over, that turn out to be not worth any of the time we spent on them?

 I suppose that this is the time that you learn to become who you will be when the storm comes. How you act and what you think while you are waiting determines how you will react during the battle. So I guess I'll have to use this time wisely and build up my character, so when the next step comes, I will be ready. I guess waiting isn't such a bad thing...

This is the Part Where We All Live Happily Ever After...

I'm not freaking out.

Yet.

I'm only graduating from college in four days. But not today. For today I can still pretend to be an irresponsible college student who can live off of Pop Tarts and midnight doughnut runs. Sunday I may have to eat broccoli.

But since I finished all of my finals and portfolio presentations today, I am done with college work!!! Let me just say that one more time. I AM DONE! Yay! Obviously I'm a bit excited. I hope you can share in my joy. :)

But that being the case, I decided it was time to read the letter I wrote to God at the beginning of this semester. Since I wrote one last semester without really thinking about it, and it turned out that a lot of what I prayed for happened, I decided to try it again. Occasionally throughout the semester I would want to look at what I had written to see if any of it had happened yet. But I restrained, until tonight. Perhaps I should have looked. Because what I realized is that some of the life I had asked for I could have experienced if I had let myself.

What I mean is this: I wrote that "I would not get so overwhelmed and caught up in life that I forget my relationship with [God]."And while I worked on my senior show and got caught up in my three jobs, classes, volunteer teaching at the high school, and relationships, I let myself get overwhelmed. I let myself freak out. The thing is, I knew all along that God was going to take care of me. I knew I could trust him and that I could have peace in those situations. That was kind of the point of my senior show, finding peace in God. But I wanted to freak out. I wanted to have something to stress over, if only to earn more credit from those who seem to have more difficult paths to walk than I do. My point here is that I can't just write things and have them magically come true; I have to be active in seeking the life I want.

BUT...there was one thing I asked for that really did come true. In the most exciting way possible. At least that my small mind can imagine. And this is where fairy tales really do come true.

It's Disney World!

Yes, I went to Disney World. For a day. In the middle of finals.

Why? You ask. For a job interview! I definitely did not expect to hear back so quickly from them after I filled out the application, but the next day I completed the online interview, and right away was asked to come in for a face to face interview. And I wasn't going to do it. Because who, after all, is crazy enough to fly down to Florida for less than 24 hours for a job interview at Disney World right before taking their final exams in college?

Me apparently.

I wasn't going to do it, but everybody convinced me otherwise. Everyone convinced me that I should go for it, that I would regret it if I didn't try. And I don't want the reason I didn't do something to be because I was too afraid to try. And I am in college after all. For however short of time that may be. So what the heck, I did something crazy and bought a plane ticket to Orlando.

And then I called my aunt to see if she could meet me at the airport. She lives about an hour away and is taking care of my Grandma, so I honestly was not sure if she would be able to. But remember how I said that God is going to take care of me and I can have peace in any situation? Well I thought I was crazy, but God took care of his child. It just so happens that my aunt from NY was flying down to Florida, on the same day as me! My Floridian aunt would already be there to pick her up! AND...my BIG SISTER was going to be on spring break that week and would be in Florida too!!! I was ecstatic. No, ecstatic is too calm of a word. I was bouncing off the walls with joy. You could not contain how ridiculously excited I was about the fact that I got to go to Florida for a day and see my family, totally unexpectedly.

Aren't they cute? :)

So aside from missing one of my flights and barely sleeping in the 48 hour period, God totally worked out my trip to Florida. And hey, I wrote in my letter to him that "my fear would not hold me back from anything I want to do." It almost did, but it didn't! So don't let your fear hold you back from trying what you want to do. Don't let the reason you didn't do something be because you didn't try.

If I can do it, silly old nervous me, then you can try anything.

And they all lived happily ever after. Until the next blog post.