It occurred to me that amidst my dining hall dishes and the newspaper pictures that I post, I may lose the serious nature of my original blog posts. My intention is not to create an academic site with incredibly intellectual readings, nor is it create a shallow, sunny site with no hint at all of real life. My goal is to show real life, my life, including all my moments of raw honesty and serious thought, and those of shallow, simple fun. Perhaps that is all too random to be on the same blog, but life is like that you know, needing a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but not an overload of any one thing.
That being said, it has been ever so long since I did share anything honest or worth talking about. And I hope that if I can share my struggles and ways of coping, then other people with similar struggles can take heart and learn from my experiences.
So let's get back to God. How am I doing with him? If you've read my earlier entries you'll know that I am serious about becoming a follower rather than a fan of Jesus Christ. That I felt compelled by God to quit my job at the dining hall and take up a job in the photo lab. And that I expect everything from then on to be happy, sunny, and perhaps a shallow life filled with microwave waffle batter concoctions. But again, life needs a little misery thrown in to keep it worth while.
About a week after I had stopped working in the dining hall, I was incredibly depressed. Still being the beginning of the year, there was not a lot of activity in the photo lab, and I spent many hours sitting there doing nothing. I felt so useless and my body was sick of being stationary. My previous job required constant running around, which meant adrenaline and excitement. This meant entertaining yourself. There was certainly the opportunity to get a lot of things done, such as writing in my blog, but clearly I am too lazy for such self motivation.
Life sucked. I told myself it did at least. And told God. This is what you want me to do? Sit here and be useless? And basically I felt God say to me, "Get over yourself."
Get over yourself. Just stop complaining and start living the life you have. Don't focus on you, focus on me. It is incredible how much the prospect of facing your daily life can change when you are not focused on how much you don't want to do any of it, but rather on the fact that you are here to worship God. This occurrence being nearly a month ago now, I cannot tell you my exact thoughts, but I do know that by realizing every day is mine to live for God, I am learning to be content whatever the circumstances. Because the circumstances no longer matter.